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DOGGIE DICTIONARY
- LEASH:
A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person
where you want him/her to go.
- DOG BED:
any soft, clean surface, such as the
white bedspread in the guest room or
the newly upholstered couch in the living room.
- DROOL:
Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this
properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool
fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.
- SNIFF:
A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place
 your nose as close
as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several
times, or until your person makes you stop.
- GARBAGE CAN:
A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity.
You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose.
If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef
bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.
- BICYCLES:
Two-wheeled exercise
 machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get
maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark
loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls
into the bushes, and you prance away.
- DEAFNESS:
This is a malady which affects dogs when their
person want them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring
blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.
- THUNDER:
This is a signal that the
 world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly
calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by
trembling uncontrollably,
panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following
at their heels.
- WASTEBASKET:
This is a dog toy
filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn
over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person
comes home
- SOFAS:
Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run up
and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.
- BATH:
This is a process by
 which the humans drench the floor, walls and
themselves. You can help by shaking
vigorously and frequently.
- LEAN:
Every good dog's response to the command "sit", especially if
your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before
black-tie events.
- BUMP:
The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh
cup of coffee or tea.
- GOOSE BUMP:
A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump doesn't get the
attention you require.....especially effective when combined with The
Sniff. See above.
- LOVE:
Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The
best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human
will love you in return.
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BETSY'S
PLACE
